Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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