OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I could fuck to npr.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
