dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
