you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
