Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
