So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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