2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have fence marks all over my body
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
