You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
