you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
