Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
