somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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