I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
