My first STD was from a foam party
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
