would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
