between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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