I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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