I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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