drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
