ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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