Hey man sorry I got all grabby
no, he came in my armpit
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
