Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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