He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Someone shit on the floor
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
how does that bad decision feel?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
