I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
