I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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