Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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