this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
