hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
