Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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