i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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