Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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