Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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