You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's shark week go big or go home
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
