I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
