is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
