every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
