im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
