Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
