can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
