dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
birth control should be required to get into college
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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