I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
