I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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