Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
