i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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