if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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