last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
