there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
