I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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