You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She bit a glass in half.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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