it hurts more in the daytime
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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