I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
