Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
